How do you say I don’t speak Turkish in Turkish?

Phew! It has been a crazy week. I am absolutely exhausted, and would like to apologise in advance for this blogpost. I can already tell it will be grammatically incorrect and words will be made up. My poor dyslexic little head cannot cope with a hangover, 2 hours sleep, emotional turmoil, and a severe lack of nice butter and crumpets.  Really miss crumpets. And ginger biscuits for some reason.  (These 80 words have taken me an hour to write)

Because I am simple and my brain is made out of cabbage (firstly spelt made m a i d – going well) I am going to divide this blog into three definite sections. Firstly, I shall tell you the tale of my wicked new apartment, secondly I shall discuss my first week of lectures and campus life and thirdly I shall list some questions and observations that are still baffling me regarding the way of life over here.

100^th Anniversary Houses (Literal Translation of 100.YIL - the area I live in.) 

I have moved out of my horrific box room! And now have a home! I have keys and everything (that I thought I had lost on the third night  - going well) Yes! I have a home, with a bed, and a door, and an oven (I think, I don’t know if its an oven or a microwave) a George foreman that I have already drunkenly made toast on  (with assistance) and a real living house mate. I am living with a guy called Mathias – who is awesome (if you’re reading Mathias – merhaba and make me a cup of tea.) Mathias is half greek half Turkish and has lived in London for a lot of his life. He has a union jack iphone case and he approves of my jar of marmite that I smuggled into the country with me. Talking of the Marmite I have just had a flashback of drunkenly forcing the other international students to try Marmite. Many were not impressed, and I think someone was actually sick (nothing to do with the amount of liquor consumed)  So yes. I am very happy here. I still haven’t unpacked but that it a minor issue. It was exciting to go to the Turkish B and Q with my host student/personal jesus Sonat. We did look like a married couple arguing about which bulb I needed for my lamp – but we finally plucked up the courage to ask and now I am sat in my cute little room with my little pink lamp. I also bought a mirror and a bin and I felt old. I also bought some spoons but I have no idea where I put them. They are probably in the same place as my keys I have lost. Also – I have a very comfortable sofa in my room, an armchair and also a huge sofa in my living room – so please feel free to visit whenever you like. Seriously though, someone please come and visit me? Homesickness is a bitch.

I certainly have not made things easy for Mathias already however. I may or may not have accidently invited the entire Erasmus group (well over 60 people actually turned up – and squeezed into our place) round for pre-drinks before going to a club. Probably not my smartest move. But something very Evie-esque none the less.  It was great fun trying to explain to the guy you have literally just moved in with that there may be.. maybe… perhaps 60 people coming over to get drunk in your house. Hope you don’t mind, sorry about that. However, it was a roaring success. Highlights included opening the front door to see a line of people stretching down the street waiting to come inside. The piles of shoes at the front door and meeting some new people. Highlights also included trying to get said number on a Dolmus after a heavy drinking session. From what I remember money was collected in someone’s hat and there was one very angry driver. Social Sec stirkes in Turkey this time, we must have fun – and it must be organised.  Following our rather large pre-drinks we went to the Erasmus Grand Party – a clubnight for all the Erasmus students that are in in Ankara at the moment. I had a great time, I don’t really remember details but I do know that I had a good time. On arriving home I also gave my friend Josh a lecture about Notorious BIG. To quote myself “He is the Shakespeare of our time, and he should have been made poet laureate. Not embarrassing in the slightest. Apparently after this I threw some bread on the floor and found it hilarious because he wanted some bread.

P.s, I can hear the call to prayer from my bedroom and it so beautiful. I wish I had been here for Ramadan.

Classes – Courses- ETCs – Who here does not speak Turkish?

I also started University this week. Believe it or not. Being back in education after 5 months is going to be tricky. I don’t really know how to type or think or write any more after a summer of writing “Gourmet Burger, Cracked Wheat, Relish, Extra Onions – no salad in bun” over and over again. I’m hoping my brain might be able to kick in soon – but it definitely needs some warming up. I had a debate about the end of capitalism the other day but got so confused that I had to give up. So far, I am taking the modules Beginners Turkish, Introduction to Peace and Conflict Studies, Intro to International Politics (shhhh don’t tell Leeds that I’ve already done this module about 78 times… shhhh) Middle East in World Affairs and I am debating whether to take Issues of Contemporary Aid or Contemporary Turkey. I think aid is going to be the winner – as although it is harder it is probably a lot more beneficial towards my final year back in Leeds next year.  CHECK ME BEING ALL ACADEMIC. My building is so far away from my house, right on the other side of the huge campus. My trek to uni is atleast 20 minutes moderate to difficult and my legs and my bum are appreciating the exercise. If I stop being lazy and eating pizza constantly I am going to lose a lot of weight. (This is a big IF) I have also found a gym partner in the form of Farbia – an Iranian woman who is one of the nicest people I have ever met. We went for coffee the other day and stayed for a good three hours eating these delicious puffed balls filled with syrup – delicious. Did I mention they were delicious? They were delicious.

How do I get off the Dolmus?

I am starting to become less intimidated by every day life here, and this has been replaced with a sense of wonder. The things that I really appreciate are usually the smallest. From the hospitality of the Turkish people, to the dogs just chilling in campus. The Turkish people, generally speaking, are one of the nicest nationalities I have come across in my limited travel. Today – for example I have been apologised too for a lack of English spoken. In England it’s a matter of IF YOU CAN’T FUCKIN SPEAK THE FUKIN’ LANGUAGE THEN GO BACK TO WHERE YOU FUCKIN COME FROM type bullshit – but here the accommodation to, what can only be described as sheer ignorance at times is mind baffling.  I really need to loose the embarrassment I feel trying to speak Turkish, because the level of appreciation over such simple words that you can say is amazing. However, I am still terrified to travel alone in the dolmus. The other day we were asked to crouch down whilst passing the police as there were so many people on board and it was illegal. But I think this is representative of how little the Turkish give a shit about rules. We’ll drive in the middle of the road, we’ll just stop and start reversing on the highway. We do what we want and we love Attaturk. And Raki. And free food.  

There are still many things that baffle me; and here is a list of questions that I want answering.
1) Why is there an abondened tiny theme park right next to my house? And why is there a little girl carrying wood to it every day?

2) Why are there waterbottles tied to lampposts that are cut open, and full of waterbottle lids?

3) Bebek? Karpuz? Karpuz nerde?

4) Why was an old woman, a cashier and a random man trying to force me to buying toilet roll at the supermarket – I quite clearly didn’t want it – and I quite clearly did not understand what you were saying?

5) Why do buses and taxis beep when they go past you? Beep Beep Beep. Beep. Beep.

6) How, in the name of the holy spirit, do I ask the driver to stop so I can get off the dolmus?

7) Why are your lights white – and not yellow?

8) Why does your butter taste weird?

9) Do Turkish people have ovens? Or do they just microwave everything?

10) Where can I get really good Kunafe from?

Thank you and good night.
p.s – also -  I am officially a resident of Turkey! Woohoo!
pps, it's 32 degrees here. Ha. 

 Tiny Kitten just ballin' about round campus.

 Mathias - my new housemate looking less than impressed with the 60 plus people in his house. Wooops!

 Ankara - early morning

 My walk to Uni.

Panda chocolate. No more needs to be said.

Alanya - 90+ international students+ all inclusive vodka

At the end of the weekend in Alanya, I turned to my French friend ‘Ugo (spelt Hugo) and asked him what he thought of the hotel, and Alanya. His reply was as followed; opening up google translate and typing a French word which was translated into “redneck.” I feel this sentiment summarizes the weekend spent in Alanya by the 90 international students, and a few internationally orientated Turkish students perfectly. Do not get me wrong, I had an absolutely fantastic time and enjoyed every minute, but the all inclusive hotel which was packed to the brim with stereotypical Russians drinking so much of their all inclusive vodka (7 parts vodka. 1 part communist hardship) that they could hardly stand was not part of the attraction.

Alanya is a pretty place, with a long stretching seashore and perfectly blue skies. If you remove all the clubs, sleaze and tourism I am sure it would be divine. However, I think the two are somewhat linked. Anyway – I am not a travel writer and I’m sure anyone reading this would probably never consider hitting up the Russian delights of Alanya. To summarize the excursion I’ve decided to make a table. I do not really know why, but here it is:

Alanya 2k12 Best Bits ·         The boat trip made the trip. It was incredible. (Despite horrendous sea sickness) ·         Successful Completion of operation tan. ·         All inclusive + 90 plus students. Always the best idea ·         Being in 35 degree heat. ·         Making friends through the medium of a collective love of sunbathing ·         The joke I made about 2pac. ·         TicTak – the inflatable crocodile. ·         Eating karpuz (watermelon – for the uneducated readers) on a boat

Alanya 2k12 Surreal/Funny Bits ·         Russian chavs on holiday. ·         The weird man that could see onto our balcony and spent the majority of his evenings having a sneak peak. ·         Drunken swimming at 2 am in the sea. Forgetting that I only had one bra with me and had to wear it the day after. ·         Getting locked out at 2am after drunken swimming ·         10 HOURS ON A BUS WITH 45 VERY HUNGOVER 20-SOMETHINGS. ·         Getting lost on a night out, and delaying the bus back to the hotel by atleast an hour as it had to come and pick us up. Ooops.

Saç Kremi

            Today I spent at least 8 minutes of my life staring at bottles of shampoo. Atleast, I think it was shampoo. In desperate need of hair washing/conditioning products I was trying to buy exactly that. Unfortunately these 8 minutes were wasted. I will never get them back, and I left the supermarket with nothing to cleanse or moisturize my hair. This is because it is seemingly impossible to distinguish the difference between “shampoo” and “conditioner” in Turkish. I feel like this 8 minutes is a perfect metaphor for the confusion and bewilderment adjusting to living in another country. (Bloody Turks.)
So, Oritentation week has officially finished. In truly awkward style these two weeks of welcome was concluded with a rather bizzare take on the idea of a “cocktail party.” Now, for me when I think “Cocktails” I think a nice bar with soft lighting and good music, a relaxed atmosphere and civilised adults sipping on their drinks. However, this “cocktail party” was infact in a huge conference hall, with few sparodically placed linen-dressed tables, each hosting a bizzare selection of cucumber and carrots in glasses of lemon juice, pea and potato sandwiches and tangy cheese Doritos. To complement these canapés, a selection of 5 parts vodka 1 part juice, Raki, Wine and Beer was also served. These drinks could be obtained with vouchers given out at the start, but eventually stolen by many. Now, I thought the whole idea of this odd affair would be to congratulate the host students on all their fantastic work. I thought some form of announcement would be made and applause would ensue for each individual host student. Apparently, this was not to happen and instead we were left to stand awkwardly as “The Tide is High” blasted out through the speakers. Odd. As a result patience wore thin, and everyone just decided to get drunk and watch the Man United -  Gala (Istanbul)  match instead. This was fun until  my beer was stolen.

Anyway, I am getting ahead of myself. I now have been here 10 days. I would like to say that I am now used to the Turkish way of life, but this would be a lie. Surprises this week  have been thick and fast between. Firstly,d a dog joining our lecture, with little reaction from the professor. Secondly, the dolmus driver telling his 30+ passengers crammed into his 10 seater bus that they must duck down whilst passing the traffic police. Thirdly, the sever lack of haste conducted in all bureaucratic issues. For instance, I am yet to pay for my dorms, even though I intend to move out on Monday (this is conditional, as my potential future roommate has been out of touch – I’m preying hoping this is just coincidence and he isn’t ignoring me on purpose) I have no idea how to pay for these, or in what format I have too – but I have been left to mince in and out if I please.  I would also use the “residency permit” example here  - but it is far too stressful to even think about and I simply do not want to have to reassess the situation in the form of the written word. Generally, the whole “Turkish” way of dealing with official matters seems very odd to me. I respect the fact that I may be living in a society that respects the Mediterranean way of living life, but I am perplexed why this means that every single little thing takes about 8 years to complete, if is is to ever be completed at all.  I have concluded that the Turkish flag is in fact red in homage to the amount of red tape there is in order to get anything achieved.

Anyway, you may think that this is very negative. We have to remember (as we were again  told yesterday in another incredibly boring lecture about culture shock … apparently bringing things from home can ease homesickness? #noshitsherlock.) that frustration is a natural part of adaptation. So no worries, I am simply riding that rollercoaster which can be turbulent at times.

On a more positive note, this week has been fun – and easier than the first. We went bowling, I went rowing on the university lake, I went shopping for copious amounts of Ruffles and cherry juice. I also had a few days where I thought even if I moved my little finger I would vomit, but I have overcome that. I have met some lovely people and had some great conversations. I am also missing the normality of England and home, but learning to cope with the difference a whole lot easier. As I said to a friend earlier on Skype – there is nothing I can do about it so tears are wasted. It’s best just to suck it up and march on.   I have drank more Efes than I should have, and been lectured that Efes is the worst Turkish beer I could buy. I have TRIED to select my modules and think I have decided on the following; 

·         Contemporary Turkey

·         The Middle East in World Affairs

·         Introduction to Peace and Conflict Studies

·         Turkish for Foreigners (Bebek, Karpuz?)

    I am quite excited about getting into the routine that University presents, as it will make the time go faster    and reduce the amount of days till I am reunited with my parents and the love of my life (not John Snow, the other one.)  

In 6 hours I am heading to Alanya with 90 international students. We are staying at a hotel   which is all inclusive (including alcohol) and my head is already pounding and my hungover desire for potato waffles already emerging… I think it will definitely be something to remember, and I am so very excited to see the sea.

Oh – and one last thing, I would like to dedicate this post to the dog that was in our lecture and also the dutch girl and guys that have complimented me on my blog and asked for new posts. (YOU GUYS KNOW WHO YOU ARE)  What can I say? Carrie Bradshaw eat your heart out.

I am sat in a tiny room, I am eating a pomegranate and I am listening to the Ministry of Sound R’n’B anthems. Right now the “Thong song “ is playing. Now this could be a regular Thursday afternoon for me, but it is not. It is far from regular. I have been in Ankara for 3 days now. Which seems surreal  -  as it feels as long as three years. It’s very difficult to try and articulate everything at the moment, I can’t really get my head around things. (I am trying not too to avoid a major freakout) With this in mind I am going to systematically divide this blogpost, as a means of trying to get everything down.

Wait a second – Boyz 2 Men have just come on, underrated I feel

Day ONE

We set off for Stanstead at about 6.30pm. After much deliberation I decided that my boyfriend Neil should come with me and my parents to the airport. I am glad he did, as he definitely helped me keep it together. After stopping for some emergency comfort food (2 portions of burger king fries) we arrived at stanstead. This was the moment I was dreading – the goodbyes. I think I was quite good at holding it together – only a few tears. I never want to relive that moment however. I could of happily scrapped everything and not got on the flight. As I walked away I had a horrific feeling of guilt, that I was being so selfish as to leave. However – I sucked it up  and went through security. The flight was unremarkable and the transit in Istanbul was smooth.  We arrived in Ankara at 9am (accidently skipping international customs and momentarily losing our luggage.) We hopped on a bus which took us through the city centre, which is crazy. The people here drive like absolute maniacs – its difficult to explain and has to be seen. One of the students referred to the roads of Ankara as a “daily rollercoaster” which I think best summarises it. Apparently on the roads people have right of way, and so if you step infront of a car it has to stop. I’m not going to try this though. We arrived at ASTI bus station to be greeted by Sonat, our host student (not only host student but lifesaver, personal jesus, and absolute saint – I would be so lost, physically and mentally, without his incredible hospitatlity and willingness to help in every situation – so if you ever read this Sonat, sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart. ) We arrived on campus and quickly found our dorms. The campus is absolutely huge with a 15km artificial lake and Forrest on the grounds. Once more it is difficult to explain how big the campus is – but believe me it is fucking massive (sorry mum, excuse my French)

The first day was awful. It was horrendous. I don’t want to really talk about it but imagine you had had no sleep, said goodbye to the people that you love more than anything, arrived in a country where you don’t speak the language and you are in a strange room – and nobody else is around.

Day Two

On day two we had an unremarkable morning, and then ventured into Kilzalay, the centre and cosmopolitan area of Ankara. After getting lost and bumping into a protest, which was policed by the entire Turkish Army it seems we met with some other Erasmus students. We went to a bar and embarked on drinking. There is such a variety of people here from all over the world. From Japan (Japon in Turkish ;) ) to Czech republic, France, Germany, Holland, Singapore, the USA etc etc etc. A real mix of people – which leads to sometimes awkward but often hilarious conversations (especially after lager) If I’m honest I can’t remember anyones names – but they are a great bunch and hopefully will become great friends one day. With the Erasmus students we had a few beers and then headed for some Shisha – which was great.

Day Three

Day three was the first day of the international orientation. Overall there are 120 international students, most are here for one semester which makes things a little bit more depressing considering I am here for an entire year.Sigh. . (note: I am now writing my blog in my room. I can only get wifi in one corner of my room, and I am practically sat in my wardrobe. It is not an ideal situation. Turkish internet is shit.) In this meeting we were lectured about boring things like deportation etc etc etc.  Regular things you know. We were then taken on a little tour of the campus, and shown to the medical center. They have a dentistry department and apparently a lot of foreign students get their teeth done for free over here.  In the evening I attended the official “Erasmus” welcome party. Hightlights included random turks in suits, very drunk Dutch people and a lot of questionable dancing. I got pwetty dwunk by accident and came home to faceplant my bed.

Day Four

Turkish Lessons with a hangover! Hurrah! Hurray! Not advisable. I have nothing to say about day four. I have been a tired and hungover husk of a woman all day. This section of the blogpost reflects this.

Lessons Learnt so far;

1) Turkish wifi is shit and its making my life very hard. Can someone PLEASE post me an ethranet cable? Infact, can someone please write to me. I miss everything
2) The only way to get through stressful things like this is taking it day by day and to not let yourself get overwhelmed
3) The dutch can’t drink but make great drinking partners
4) I still can’t pronounce the number 3 in Turkish, I don’t think I ever will.
5) Having no food/no kitchen/no money is bad for the health but good for the waistline.

6) It is easy to adopt some kind of weird accent when living in a country where English isn’t spoken. I skyped my beloved (of whom I adore and I thinking of always and every moment and I wish so much he was here but we will make it cause we’re wicked lalalalala) and he said I sounded nothing like myself. YOU HAVE TO SPEAK S  L  O W  and  C     L    E    A    R)
7) I miss crumpets. 

3 days...

I have received the all clear from the doctors. Thank god. After a very tense and nail-biting 10 minutes of persuasion and deliberation my GP said he would give medical permission for me to travel. The relief was absolutely intense. So, fingers crossed I stay healthy and don't have to try and get home. And, fingers crossed I don't come home in a coffin! Right now I am sat with a very full case on my bed, I think I'm nearly there  although things will probably have to be completely rearranged as it looks like it weigh about 50kg, Although I hate packing, I also find it very therapeutic. To trawl through all your old items of clothing, and to be in and out of every nook and cranny of your room makes you very nostalgic - and even homesick before you've gone anywhere. I'm going to miss this place. I'm going to miss the chaos that it is and the sound of different people bimbling around. It feels horrible to have said goodbye to my home in leeds, to settle into my home in Nottingham and then be completely uprooted. But - it's also exciting. I am excited to delve into the unknown, I just hope it treats me well. 


My fear of flying is not exactly encouraging. Coupled with the prospect of saying goodbye, the excitement can be lost. I am very anxious about saying goodbye to my parents, my boyfriend and my friends. I don't really know how I'm going to do the former two. Being so ill last week has bought me so close to my Mum again, as close as before I moved out. And without the support of my incredible boyfriend I honestly do not think I would of been able to do this. He has encouraged me, supported me and let me be crazy whenever I like without ever complaining. Even though he is also having to say goodbye to me. To be fair he is proabably looking forward to having a bit of peace, ha.

So, this will probably be my last post until I get there. This is probably the most emotional one I will share, as I don't really feel comfortable trying to articulate so many emotions into words. Doesn't really do it justice. Probably doesn't help that I'm listening to The XX and lookign through photos.....

Anyway! Wish me luck. I'll catch you on the flipside. This is all reliant on the assertion that I will actually have the balls to get on the plane.... hold tight. 

Panic and Deaths Door..

Preparation has not been as smooth as I originally intended. Right now I am sat on my bed, with various piles of clothes scattered in every possible way, receipts for things I can't really afford to buy (although the bum bag was definitely an essential I think?) littering the floor and a certain amount of lethargy that I just can't seem to shake. The problem is, I WOULD pack if I had a case. But the fact that I don't isn't seeming to encourage me to sort this out but to simply avoid packing. I hate packing anyway. Its boring and I always bring too much useless stuff (like 18kg when I traveled around Eastern Europe that I hoped to lug on my back the entire 6 weeks. Result = dumping loved items of clothes in Poland because I simply could not walk with the backpack on.) I digress.
So, I spent the majority of last week in hospital via deaths door. Was taken ill with a horrendous stomach pain that would not subside and was advised to go straight to hospital. Once there, I spent about 70 hours in the waiting room of a surgical ward waiting to be seen. After my first consultation medical professionals were baffled by what could be causing me so much pain, and so I was instructed to wait a little longer. The nurses kept assuring me that they were trying to find me a bed, but after about 6 hours I realized that no matter how much pain I was in, the nivarna of a bed would never be achieved. Combined with the narcotic painkillers I was on, I decided that I would instead sleep in the waiting room. This was then repeated on the second day, as there were to be no conclusions on what was wrong with me... a total of 23 hours was spent in the horrific waiting room in the matter of 48 hours, with hardly any due care or attention. After having an ultrasound some inflammation was found in some tube (?) that connects the upper abdominal area (?) but the doctors wanted to investigate futher with an MRI scan. HOWEVER, this MRI scan would take up to 6 weeks to come around - and I was leaving for turkey in a week?!?! Doctors were not sympathetic of this. By this time I was sent home, with my beautiful and ever loving mother caring for me. (what an angel) So this whole episode greatly reduce my chances of doing my year away itself... panic and ALOT of tears ensue.... a few days later....  and I am feeling completely different. Still sore and not quite right but generally well and back to myself. I am seeing the doctor tomorrow and hopefully he will give me the all clear and everything will be as it was.
The whole ordeaI has made me realize how much I was actually looking forward to this adventure. Although I am scared, petrified and slightly dreading it I also am so eager to learn more about myself, meet people from every corner of the globe and simply embrace a foreign culture. If anything, the positive of this inconvenient turn of events has, although put me massively behind schedule, encouraged me that I am capable of this, and actually quite excited......