Americas Adventure: Police Interrogation, Tinsel and Hamam.

The weather has taken a turn for the worst here now, and today we experienced a lot of rain and wind. However, I cannot complain as the first day of opening my imported advent calendar, the temperature was 21 degrees. Yes, Christmas is happening in Ankara. Although it may be spearheaded by a one woman brigade to spread some Christmas cheer – it is well and truly happening. Not only do we have one Christmas tree – but you guessed it, we have two. We also have a Giant stuffed Panda named Attaturk (in loving memory of the great and honoured founder of the Turkish Republic – Kemal Attaturk) wearing a Santa hat, we have fairy lights that are little red hearts with holly round them, and boy oh boy do we have tinsel. Oh yeaaahhhhh…

Now, the story of Attaturk is an interesting one (the Panda, not the founder of the Turkish Republic.) As those whom know me well may have realised by now, my birthday has the ability to last more than one day. These may be because I have decided that it’s not fair that the queen has two birthdays and the rest of us commoners have one, or this maybe because I am being self-indulgent (like the queen) and can’t get enough. Regardless, birthdays are wicked. Considering I was in Istanbul for my 21^st and was unable to celebrate with my friend in Ankara – we had a small rendez-vous this gone Friday. My lovely friends not only made me a cake that read “Happy Fucking 21^st” but they also surprised my with Attaturk the Panda, and a Turkish flag signed by my fellow Erasmus Students. Hurrah Hurray! How lovely.

This week I also visited the Hamam for the first time. Now, here is a brief history of the Hamam that I wrote entirely by myself and randomly coloured some words blue and underlined them and did not copy and paste from Wikipedia;

A Turkish bath (Turkish: hamam) is the Turkish variant of a steam bath, sauna or Russian bath, distinguished by a focus on water, as distinct from ambient steam.

In Western Europe, the "Turkish bath" as a method of cleansing and relaxation became popular during the Victorian era. The process involved in taking a Turkish bath is similar to that of a sauna, but is more closely related to ancient Greek and ancient Roman bathing practices.

A person taking a Turkish bath first relaxes in a room (known as the warm room) that is heated by a continuous flow of hot, dry air, allowing the bather to perspire freely. Bathers may then move to an even hotter room (known as the hot room) before splashing themselves with cold water. After performing a full body wash and receiving a massage, bathers finally retire to the cooling-room for a period of relaxation

After getting a little lost in Ulus (the single most dangerous and terrifying area of Ankara) myself, Doriane and Nienke (my French roommate, and my dutch friend) managed to find the famous Sengul Hamamni. Hamams are commonly separated into women and men’s sections, with separate enterances for both. After standing awkwardly in the foyer for five minutes, we were quickly pointed and shouted at to get changed with a lot of “Tamamba?” and “Evet” s flying around. I wore a bikini, in vain. This was quickly removed by the hamam staff as soon as we entered. After a while of splashing water on ourselves, and realising we were the only people who were not lathered in soap we decided that we were meant to clean ourselves before the massage. This was wrong. As soon as I had worked myself up into the lather, said woman approached us once more and grabbed my hand to quickly wash the soap off. It was there job apparently. I was then grabbed by another woman, and led to what can only be described as a sacrificial plinth. I was then exfoliated to what felt like my bone, and then massaged with soapy water. No dignity spared, and lets leave it as that. They smack your ass to ask you to turn over. That’s fine.

I left the Hamam feeling an odd combination of the notion that I should be relaxed, but also very conscious of the fact that I was far from relaxed, very red in the face and considerably flustered. Sometimes, as my housemate always reminds me I can be “So English.”

Of course, we were the harassed by a police man as we were walking to get the bus. On asking my friend as to why the Police man needed to see our ID’s just because we were walking through the street, I was informed that Ulus is known for it’s high number of Eastern European Prostitutes. Go to the Hamam, come back a Ukranian hooker…. Seems logical.

In other news, today I have been discussing the similarities and differences between the PKK and the IRA with the “English Speaking Club” at the Turkish Parliament. (I controversially pointed out that the term terrorist is one that is subjective, which went down like a led balloon on Ketamine) For those whom are not aware, I attend parliament with my Turkish Mum, Semra , to help her and her colleagues. Once more, these aren’t simply colleagues – but experts of Human Rights, Legislative Issues, Forensic Computer Hacking and so on and so forth. It is very surreal having to correct the High Commissioner of Human Rights on his pronunciation of “Immunity.” However, they do seem to think that I must know everything that has ever happened in the UK ever, and I have to remind them that I was not even born when the trouble with Ireland was at its peak. Or when Margaret Thatcher was in power. (although I was keen to share my views on her, and told them that her official name was Margaret Thatcher the Milk Snatcher, which was, inevitably, lost in translation and greeted with eyes as dead as the dead sea) This did not stop them asking the simple question “How does the UK legislative system work?” Simple.

p.s, I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of those whom sent me Birthday cards and letters to my little flat. You have no idea what a smile it put on my face. Post is really fantastic – and I would love to receive more cough cough hint hint. I would also like to thank Granny and Grandpa Stannard for making it financially possible for this homebird to fly home for Christmas. You have no idea how much this helped, and I appreciate it and thank you from the bottom of my heart….